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jessie

If it makes you feel any better (ha), what you are going through is TEXTBOOK breakup behavior. We all want to rise above it, hold our heads high and not look back, but it doesn't work that way. Fear, anger, sadness, grief, resentment, it's all part of the process. If I may use such a word.

I'm all married and crap so it's easy for me to say, but I do remember the stomach-dropping part of the breakup, back in the day, and it made me sick for weeks. (I lost weight, though. :-) ) The stark ripping up of one's self-esteem is terribly painful, and since we derive a lot of our self-image through how we think our partner perceives us, if they give us the boot it feels like confirmation that we're no good. Not true, but it feels that way for a while, and that's about the lowest feeling on earth.

I say, go with it. Get it out of your system, glory in the awfulness of it all, wallow in self-pity and cry your heart out. Seriously. It takes time but eventually you'll get sick of it, and you'll get totally pissed off at having your life disrupted this way and you'll grow to hate the man who made you take a job you didn't want and made you eat fast food. The bastard.

Eventually.

Hang in there.

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