Derby and String

And so it begins...

...expect more posts about the joys of a bag of frozen peas applied directly to floor-burned skin, and how you should tape your velcro on your pads down so you don't get/give velcro burns, etc etc etc....and here's pix of my first appearance on skates in front of a thousand people who were not there to see me skate.... (clicky to embiggen)

That's me, facing the wrong way in all black with the hott fishnets

I'm smack in the middle, hunched over like Quasimodo

This is me, way out of bounds, pounding on Vanessa, because I was told to. Don't worry, I took her down easy and didn't hurt her.  :)

I've been derailed.

I had this great post about how I was going to get back to the "Derby and String" part of this blog, and then I checked my stats and my email and....

1) Someone googled my blog by typing "'pink hair' and 'scary email'" and "espresso State Route 9 SE "fantasy friday"". 

2) my friend sent me this in email, and I cannot stop laughing, nor can I stop singing "BROTHERRRRRSS FOREEEEVERRRRRR!!!!"

Take 2

Ok, let's try this again.  I had no idea that picture of Dizzy in the last post would route you through MySpace, but here is the pic again with a proper link.

If you'd like the HTML to post on your blog (PLEASE PLEASE post it on your blog!) then just email me at Hot Rod Libby LOO at Yahoo, ok? Ok. :)

HOLY WHITENESS BATMAN!!

omigod

omigod

omigod

omigod

omigod

omigod

omigod

IT's SNOWING!! And yes, I am headed to go get toilet paper, why do you ask? ;)

Because I love you...

...and it doesn't cost you anything, let's vote Miss Kendra (aka Dizzy von Damn) into this Viva Las Vegas Burlesque contest.  Please click on the photo below, get to the Viva Las Vegas website and scroll down (she's about the 10th down on the left hand side) and vote for her. (You can only vote once per IP, but if you go to Starbucks, or the library or work or home.....there's 4 different IPs right there!!)

Why should you vote for her, you ask?  Because I've seen lovely photos of her doing a KNITTING performance.  Well, not knitting, but she knit the straps and some other stuff of her costume and then UNRAVELS THEM ONSTAGE.

How can you not spread this throughout the knitting land and round up this kick-ass community of ours and get her into first place so she can represent in Las Vegas???

Please, if you've got some time, consider re-posting this on your blog.  It would be SO GREAT to get her up there on the stage....I'm proud of how far she's come :)

Also.... 30

Ansel Adams Strikes Again

  Hi.  Guess what? I have pictures today :)  So those of you who have dial-up, be forewarned.  And those of you who like perfectly lined up things (aka OCD I guess?) please don't stone me.

I have a button collection on my car visor that entertains me to no end.  There's a button from TX's favorite beer that got chucked at me and hit me in the eye in some bar on my birthday one year, there's a button from my favorite Rat City Rollergirls team...this is just a couple of them.  I think there's actually a couple more now....

Here's a token picture of MHP.

A blog post with pictures is not complete until there's some SERIOUS cuteness happening, and he's your man for that.  Yes, he's a Cub Scout.  Yes, I have not sewn any of his badges on yet.  Yes, I'm aware that I may suck for that a lot. 

But he's flipping adorable.  Forgive me.

It snowed here, and lasted about 8 1/2 minutes. Long enough for me to take a ton of photos..

....and then it started raining.

I feel bad for MHP, because he doesn't understand the concept of a snow day :(

I started a Kauni.

This was my first attempt...I'm doing the one with the squares.  I got about 2 inches into the pattern when I finally noticed that the yarns had morphed into the exact same colour, completely obliterating the pattern.  *sigh*

It's fixed now, but being the up-to-date person that I am? I have no photos. 

Oh hey, another picture of MHP!

Our local "mall" (aka giant conglomeration of super expensive stores) has this Winter Lane thing every year, where they have a live drum line and it "snows" (I think it's soap bubbles, but I can't be entirely sure) and MHP loves to go see it.  We would probably go every night during the holidays if he was in charge :)

I think this one should be my Christmas card this year.

If I sent out those sorts of things.

Maybe this time I should try it?

Grr...I still don't care for Christmas.  (Want to know what I got this year? A cool display cube thing for my photos.  That's it.  I still am waiting for Santa every year.)

This is MHP's dad and his half-sister.

We will speak no more on this subject, but I hope I have satisfied your curiosities ;)

This is my brother on Christmas morning.

He is a joy.

I think he slept through his presents.

We saw him one more time later in the day when he got out of bed to eat.  No, he's not sick, he's just 25 and aimless.

this one is for Marie.

See that face?   

Yeah, that's all you :)

This is my father.

We'll call him "Dad".  He's cool like dat.

And also, apparently couldn't wait for breakfast.

And we had to drag him away from helping MHP open his presents so he would open his own. :)

This is my mom.

She does not like being photographed at all.

Anyhoo - that's enough photographic evidence that I have family and I exist for one day....hope you are all having a happy Friday!

10 Commandments of Living with a Derby Girl

I'm posting this to distract you (OOHH SHINY!!) from the fact that I have nothing exciting to blog about today, except that I have a raging cold, I have my VERY FIRST PRACTICE tomorrow, and I think I might pass out at any time from the excitement :)

1. Thine house can never have too much Gatorade or too many pairs of fishnets.

2. Thou shall not ask if something died in my gym bag. (That smell is my pads…seriously.)

3. Thou shall make your friends aware that if one more of them ask me if we skate topless, he's going to end up with a skate up his ass. (That goes double for the next person who asks if Derby is like professional wrestling.)

4. Thou shall not protest when I feel the need to post pics of my ass on the league's bulletin board, especially if the bruises on my ass resemble the Virgin Mary or any 'Different Strokes' cast member.

5. Thou shall remember for any birthday, anniversary, or special occasion, three words: Bones. Swiss. Bearings.

6. Thou shall not protest the fact that there are two league practices, one team practice, two committee meetings and endless hours on the bulletin board each week. (Just be glad that the girls and I haven't just rented a big house so we could be together all the time.)

7. Thou shall not attempt to use the bag of frozen peas from the freezer in any kind of meal. (They've spent more time on my ass than Victoria's Secret.)

8. Thou shall accept that I constantly refer to my teammate as 'Big Sleazy'. (I have no idea what her real name is.)

9. Thou shall continue to swell with pride when you see me kicking all kinds of ass out there at the rink. Thou shall also remember to do us both a favor, and remember that feeling the next time I get poured into the house smelling like Pabst Blue Ribbon and milkshakes.

10. Thou shall be aware that I am capable of conversing on subjects other than Derby, I just don't want to.

I have finally "made it".

Someone found my blog while searching for "George Eads' Pen*s."

Time for me to retire.  I'm joking about the retiring part, but I seriously have nothing else other than American Gladiators to talk about today, and I'm sure y'all have had enough of the oily spandex-clad muscle people.

And if you're not sick of them, then I would like to introduce you to the only thing I am asking for for my upcoming birthday....Toa.  The Rock's cousin.  HOT.

Last night, on the premiere of American Gladiators, he performed a Maori haka before pummeling his opponent on the pyramid.  I have no idea why, but I am completely fascinated with hakas, and the All Blacks, and REALLY think that one of the derby teams somewhere absolutely HAS to do one of these before a bout because I think that would be the most intimidating thing EVER and therefore had to go searching to find the video below so you have a visual of what I'm talking about, and now I've turned the post that wasn't really a post into some big long babble fest.

Welcome to my Monday.

ETA: Oh, and PS? Now you'll never be able to live with me. (And NO, I did NOT cheat.)

I don't get it. Was it supposed to be funny?

WARNING: I will be mentioning boobs and men's genitalia in this post. If either of these offends you, you might want to skip the whole damned thing. :)

We have a rash here in Washington State (HEE!) of these scantily-clad-barista-employing espresso stands popping up.  I don't know if this is a natural occurrence anywhere else, but there's a mess of them here.

(aside: it's yet another reason to come visit Washington.  Green trees and nekkid women with your coffee! I should totally write for the tourist bureau.  We wouldn't be able to make the tourists leave....oh wait.  We already have that problem.)

I don't have a problem with this particular brand of titillating entertainment.  (see? I made a joke! Totally not funny, I know. Forgive me.)  I actually stopped at one ON PURPOSE (as research of course, I don't swing on that swingset) this morning, to see what all the hubbub was about.

(another aside - this was a big story about a year ago. As is the case with everything, I am either WAY ahead of the trend, or I am so far behind it, I'm in danger of being in front of the trend as it comes back around.)

So I stopped at a not-to-be-named espresso stand that advertises "FANTASY FRIDAYS!" and "MASQUERADE MONDAYS!" on their bright red readerboard (funny enough, the other espresso stand just before I hit the freeway has a readerboard too...theirs says right now "15 years going strong - keeping our clothes on".  HA!). 

I really needed coffee, people. I figured I might as well get some early morning booty...I mean BEAUTY with my wake-up juice. (See? I did it again. I am TERRIBLE.) I wasn't quite expecting what I got.

It was the weirdest experience of my life.  Tops the time that I sat on Gene Simmons' lap, the time that I wandered into the middle of a crew filming a scene from CSI and ran smack into George Eads while I was drunk in Vegas....tops all of it.

I pull up to the window and ask for a vanilla latte.

A VANILLA LATTE.  Keep that in mind.

Needless to say, I got a healthy serving of breastesses and attitude with my morning coffee.

The two lovely blonde girls behind the "bar" were obviously not hired for their brains, unless said brains are located in a lower, chestal-based region.  They were gorgeous, I will give them that.  I would stare at them all day long if I could (much better than the hairy monkey-like guy that I see every day at work).

But their customer service skills suck.

So as I mentioned, I pulled up to the window and asked for a vanilla latte. The window ledge was about at eye height for me as I'm driving the Spattern.  So when the barista, in her lacy black bra and panties and baby-doll set and 3 inch-heeled, thigh-high "hooker boots"(at SIX O CLOCK IN THE MORNING when it's THIRTY EIGHT DEGREES OUTSIDE) leaned out the window, the "girls" were right in my face. 

What a way to start the day.

"What can I get you honey?" the barista at the window purred at me, as she leaned real far over the counter.

"Uh...a 16 ounce vanilla latte please"...I stammered, not quite expecting the boobs-in-the-face thing.

"Oh." she said, finally looking at me, seeing I am not the proud owner of a penis, and pouting about it.  She even stuck out her lower lip when she noticed me. 

"It's a girl" she hissed at her red-lace-teddy-clad co-worker, who actually walked away from working at the espresso bar to come look at me, like I was some sort of freak show.

She rolls her eyes and says "we get all kinds here, don't we?" and they giggle, in that manner that hot girls do, and started flailing around and grinding each otherto some weird hip hop song they had playing on their radio.

I think it would have been less weird if there was an ACTUAL stripper pole inside their little booth, as they were dancing around, miming the existence of a pole, and just generally being not the sort of thing you see with your coffee in the morning.  I don't normally expect to see what would pass as perfectly normal behaviour in a dance club or a strip club so early in the morning, and DEFINITELY never at my local Starbucks.

So they finish making my drink, ignoring me the ENTIRE TIME, and when she handed it to me, she said "No charge..." (which was nice...)

"...we usually don't get many lesbians here." and she winked and blew me a kiss, and took both of her hands, cupped her boobs and jiggled them at me.

Awesome.

And to top it all off, as I pull back onto the highway, I take a sip of my lovely gratis latte, and discover the damned thing is a mocha.

So I'm thinking about going back for Fantasy Friday and ordering a mocha to see if I get my vanilla latte.

BTW...Someone came to this blog by googling "Ban Muzak Lords 2007".  I worry about people sometimes.

The Masses of My Knitting

I've been reading through some blogs lately, and realized that I really don't talk about my knitting a lot. I knit a LOT, but I don't blog about it all that often.  I don't know why...probably because I'm too busy bitching about something or talking about my latest "fall down, go boom" story, or bragging about how cute MHP is.

Hopefully (and NO this is NOT a resolution!) I will be able to blog more about my knit stuff in 2008.

Because, I did, after all, knit in the new year.  I finished a Noro Scarf (a la Brooklyn Tweed) already this year (granted, I knit most of it last year!), casting off at about 12:08 on January 1st.

Then I went to Village in the afternon yesterday and joined in their mass cast-on to launch their knit-along for the Everyday Cardigan (and yes, there was a 20% sale, I was really good and bought tea, one skein of sock yarn and the buttons for the cardigan which I will show when I retrieve my camera from the friend who accidentally put it in her purse and watched as I searched frantically for it EVERYWHERE....and I am knitting the cardigan in Lena's Meadow colourway.)

And just because one of my REAL resolutions (along with making it to every derby practice on time and ready to skate, and quitting smoking and actually GOING to see my therapist) is to be completely and utterly truthful, I give you a (virtually) complete (almost, I can't remember a lot of things) list of all of the UFOs I have in my possesion at this time.

It's ugly.  I'm just warning those of you who like to have one project at a time on the needles...I am a project whore.

1. The Rogue, in Lion Brand (Wool Ease, dark green, and shut it! It's awesome yarn!).  I have now been knitting on this on and off for...um....looks like about 2 1/2 years, according to old blog posts.  All I have to do is finish the bloody sleeves, and I'm done.  I don't know what the hold up is, but it's damned cold outside, and I could use a new sweater.
2. the Mystery Stole (in Zephyr, colourway Mushroom).  I have to finish the wing, but the yarnover-y thing that divides the wing from the rest of the stole is sort of pissing me off.  I think this is in time out.  I actually, truthfully, cannot figure out where it is, come to think of it.
3. The Peacock Shawl (in Zephyr, colourway Peacock?) aka the Big Blue Thing That Will Never End. I'm pretty sure that when I finish this, I'll die. It's my Opus, my Big Project that I hope to wear to my wedding or my son's wedding or maybe they'll bury it with me, needles and all.  (I am not dying any time soon, just in case you were worried.)
4. The Bloggy Afghan of Comfort (or the Whatever The Hell We Were Calling It Blankie, AKA the Mitered Squares afghan from Mason Dixon Knitting, knit in leftovers).  I have like 42 squares finished.  I have no mojo to do more right now (see the rest of the list for why.)
5. Sweaters for Mr. Man's kids (in Vanna White yarn...yes I am serious...in ice blue and royal purple).  (that's right, I said Mr. Man instead of Mr. X-Man.  We'll chat about that later, and NOBODY GETS TO YELL AT ME ABOUT THIS, OK?) I am knitting a Pure & Simple pattern (which I actually knit for MHP for Christmas, and he looks totally cute in) but I only have the yoke done for G (the almost-5 year old).
6. A My So Called Scarf in my handspun (purple and blue). I actually don't know where this went.  I was making it for T (Mr. Man's daughter) but then we broke up and I got pissed at it and punished it and it's probably in a box with Halloween decorations, because that's how I roll. (Another New Year's resolution should be "Get More Organized".  Ha!)
7. Some multi-directional scarf in stuff I dyed with KoolAid (in something MHP calls The SuperHeroes, lime green, electric blue, and red).  I was bored one day, and thought I should knit something, so I started this. It's boring.
8. A tuque I just started the other day in the leftovers (sock yarn in a Seahawks colourway, can't remember the dyer) from a tuque I made for The Brother (that's MY brother, I'm not sure if y'all were aware I had one...he's interesting.) and am making for a yet-to-be-named person.  (That means I don't really know who it's for, I just needed some movie theatre knitting.)
9. the EveryDay Cardigan in Peace Fleece (see above for specs).  I'm about halfway through the back section, and have added a little something-something to the ribbing...I'll show you pictures.
10. 5 socks that I have no recollection of starting, and am thinking of frogging.  I looked at one this morning and had no memory of where I even got the yarn, or why I bought something so friggin hideous.
11. A pair of socks in Trekking for my mother from Cat Bordhi's radamous sock book...I think it's the Tibetan something-or-other.  I'm past the heel on the first one.
12. a basic pair of ribbed socks for me in Trekking...not sure where they went.  I have the ribbing on ONE sock done.
13. A pair of Boyfriend Socks in Smooshy (pretty brown variegated) for Mr. Man. I have one sock done.  Hooray!
14. A pair of Jaywalkers for Mommy Dearest in Smooshy (dark purples, blacks and greens, like a Raven, but not Ravens from Blue Moon.) These were for her birthday. Which was in August.  Yes, I am a bit behind. I am almost to the toe on one of them.
15. A pair of gloves from the Selbuvotter book. (RUN AND BUY THIS BOOK.  It is AWESOME.)  I am up to the fingers on the first one, and was totally enamored until I realized I had to knit fingers.  I am pretty stuck on figuring this out, but most of my knitting time is late at night, when I am not exactly sharp as a whip.  I'll figure it out.
16. a Leaf Lace shawl in Malabrigo Baby Merino.  (I can't remember the colourway, but it's all fall colours, and TOTALLY gorgeous.)  I am completely in love with this yarn.  I put the project aside for Christmas knitting, and now it will have to stay aside until I finish this bloody sweater.
17. 2 baby surprise jackets.  Neither baby is born yet, so I am currently in the clear.

That's all I can think of right now.  And that's a big damned list. (And doesn't include my half-finished spinning projects.  I'm starting to feel a little suffocated by all of my crap)

Also?  I have a list of things I NEED to knit in the next couple of months, which I haven't had the stomach to cast on yet...two of which I have not bought/figured out the patterns for:

1. an Oat Couture Curlicue baby blanket for a baby due in May.  I don't have the yarn, the pattern or the stomach for this project right now.  It scares the bejeezus out of me, but this is what the mom-to-be wants.
2. a reproduction of a traditional Icelandic yoked sweater my grandfather bought in Iceland in 1959 (for $75!) that my dad inherited, but has deemed "too itchy" and "way too hot".  He wants me to knit him something out of alpaca, because he thinks that will be softer and less hot.  He wants to know if I can knit him this by his birthday.  Which is February 4th.  I tried really hard not to laugh.
3. a pair of toe socks for The Brother.  He is helping me out a LOT by taking on a slew of my scorekeeping stuff for derby, while I participate in their boot camp to get on a team (FINALLY!!! It's been TWO YEARS, and I am FINALLY "well" enough that I can skate!!!)
4. A pair of toe socks for Mr. Man.  He has been asking politely for this for pretty much the entire time we dated.  So I figure I should probably follow through.
5. A Snow White sweater.  For me, because I want it.

So pretty much, the DL is that I have big hopes and my needles are not nearly fast enough. I do need to sleep, after all.

Happy New Year everyone!