Has anyone ever camped out for tickets to a show before? I did a couple of times (A band which will not be named, but was horribly popular with the screaming "tween" set in 1992, Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews and Presidents of the United States of America. The band, not the old white dudes. OH! And Apple Cup student tickets in 1997, the first year WSU went to the Rose Bowl in like 493 years! Not 493. More like 67.), but unfortunately, as is the case with a lot of my "childhood memories", the advent of the internets has made camping out for tickets a moot point.
Now you can sleep at your desk and click a webpage a whole mess of times, instead of making friends with the other crazies who slept out in the cold, sharing your REALLY hot rum-laced cocoa with them, and possibly huddling together for body warmth, since the day you decided to sleep overnight outside of a stadium also happens to be the first day of the year it decides to snow. A lot. And you forgot your hat.
*ahem* Where was I?
Oh, camping. Jessie sparked today's blog post with her hilarious posting about her annual camping trip.
So, I mentioned briefly that I had gone "camping" with Mr. Man, MHP, T&G and Mr. Man's mother (for whom I really need to invent a VERY appropriate blog name. Like Damian. Or Satan.) over Memorial Day Weekend.
What I did not tell you is the reason I call it "camping" and not camping (sans "air quotes").
Once upon a time, when I was but a wee ankle-biter, I used to go camping. The kind of camping where you take a tent and a backpack and find some spot in the woods that's flat enough, and you have to hang your trash and your food up high so the raccoons and bears and other sundry animals do not cause you to end your camping trip early, for fear of starvation.
The kind of camping where you spend the first 2 hours after arrival playing my favorite game: "How Many People Does It Take To Set Up An REI Tent?" Where the outcome is not dependent on whether one has a Masters in Engineering! or someone else has a Doctorate in Mathematics! but whether or not it's raining and we "have to get the stuff in the tent RIGHT NOW or we'll be mildewed by midnight". And then the kids take over after the adults have given up and get the tent up in about 8 minutes, and it takes that long only because Too-Tall was playing Star Wars with one of the tent poles.
The kind of camping where the bathroom is about a half-mile hike from the campsite, so you don't really worry about the shower thing until you can smell yourself, or the person you're bunking with decides to sleep outside because he thinks a skunk got in the tent. And you pretty much postpone it as long as possible, because there's no hot water. At all.
The kind of camping where there's no television, no video games, no computers, and your primary form of entertainment is hiking, swimming in the ice-cold lake, hiding various belongings of your mother's and waiting until she's running around frantic to replace it exactly where she put it, or playing another game of Nerts. (I'll tell you another time about why I'm not allowed to play Nerts with my family anymore, and haven't since I was 14.)
One can only imagine my horrified expression when we arrived at the "campsite" for Memorial Day. This place has 4 pools, a rec center, miniature golf, 94 bathrooms, and hot showers. Mr. Man's Mom brought her trailer, then her aunt sister cousin (I dunno, the family tree is so huge I can't keep them all straight) brought her trailer as well, and they had back-to-back campsites, so the kids could basically run all over kingdom come.
Unfortunately, there was not enough room for everyone to sleep in the trailer. The kids took the couch and the "table bed", and Mr. Man's Mom (M3? Yeah. That works.) was sleeping in the bed, so Mr. Man and I slept outside. Woot!
But he wouldn't let me help putting the tent up. And he hasn't used a tent in a loooong time, since B.M. (before me, and yes, I know what else BM stands for...) he slept in the trailer with the kids and M3. So yet another version of my favorite game "How Many People Does It Take To Set Up An REI Tent?" commenced, this time with a new title! "How Long Does It Take One Grownup To Set Up A Tent Before He Asks For Help? And How Many New Cusswords Do The Kids Learn?"
So eventually, I jumped in (despite Mr. Man's feeble protests) and between the 2 of us, it only took 15 minutes to set up the tent. In an odd moment of foreshadowing, Mr. Man says "I wonder if this tent is waterproof? Well, it isn't supposed to rain this weekend, the rainfly should help anyway."
And, of course, the next night, after I returned from fleeing to Seattle for a roller derby bout my much needed vacation from my "vacation", and after we settled onto our foam mattresses, listening to the sweet sounds of the people in the campsite 9 1/2" from our tent next door blowing up their air mattress and watching "Pimp My Ride", it started to sprinkle.
(For those of you not native to the lovely Pacific Northwest, we classify our rain. It's not really that big of a worry until you have a downpour. By then, you're pretty much f*cked.)
We weren't that concerned, so we drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I awoke in a bit of a panic. I thought I had wet the bed.
Turns out, it rained about 1 1/2" overnight. All of which ended up in our tent. Where our clothes for the weekend were stored, since there was "no room" in the trailer. We were not amused.
So the whole rest of the weekend Mr. Man and I wore wet underwear, and M3 told me at one point that she didn't want another daughter-in-law because she already had one (meaning Mr. Man's ex-wife, who M3 talks to all the time, even though The Ex pretty much ripped out Mr. Man's heart and blew it up with a rocket launcher) and I did not lose it because I was more focused on the fact that I had not eaten anything of substance in 2 days, because M3 made only beef dishes for "camping."
And I can't eat beef.
So! All in all, it was pretty much the worst EVER most interesting weekend I've had in a long time, and I am not really looking forward to the next one, but at least I have learned the following:
- The back of our Suburban sleeps 2 full-sized adults, and does not require putting up a tent.
- Foam mattresses are pretty much people-sized sponges.
- I need to bring my own food and earplugs when camping with M3. For my sanity and her safety.
- Burn the Little Mermaid DVDs that M3 has in her trailer. Enough with the Disney Rip-Offs. (I love the Disney version. But this version? Not so much fun.)
- If M3 wants to make fun of you in your bathing suit, point out her judicious use of the fanny pack and the Crocs with Socks. At least my suit has skulls on it.
- Bring marshmallows and hoard them. When M3 says something rude, shove one in your mouth. Don't eat it, you'll gain 174 pounds in one weekend. Just keep your mouth SHUT.
- Kiss Mr. Man more often. It's a miracle he loves me as much as he does, when his mother seems to hate me so much.
Anyhoo - no knitting to speak of lately, but I am cooking along on the boring Sock on 2 Circs. I'm almost to the toe....I'll post some pictures when I find my memory card reader....
And just for fun, I "borrowed" this from Jeanne at Knitty Banter, because I feel this post is a little bitchy. So some knitting stuff!!
Mark the items Bold for stuff you’ve done, italics for stuff you plan to do one day, and normal for stuff you’re not planning on doing.
- Afghan/Blanket (knit a teeny one for Baby Too-Tall, does that count?
- American/English knitting (as opposed to continental)
- Baby Items
- Bobbles (was not succesful. I hated them. Mini-boobs, what's the point??? And yes, I may hold a grudge against bobbles.)
- Buttonholes
- Cable stitch patterns (including Arans)
- Cardigans (I failed miserably on the Maid Marian dress, so Tater has requested a cardigan with purple buttons. Yay!)
- Charity Knitting
- Continental Knitting (I don't know which method I do, if I do one at all. I pick, if that makes any difference.)
- Cuffs, fingerless mitts or arm warmers
- Darning (does this mean swearing while knitting? Because this is totally a BOLD if it does. And yes, I have darned socks. I'm not a total doofus.)
- Designing knitted garments (doesn't include minor/major modifications) I am working on some super-secret stuff. SHHHH! Don't tell.
- Domino Knitting (modular knitting)
- Drop Stitch Patterns (Hello Clapotis! I love you and your blues and purples! I need to post a picture, I just realized.)
- Dyeing with plant colours (this scares me. I will leave it plain. The mordants are poisonous? Hi, have you met me? I am accident-prone and would like to not die while dyeing. HA!)
- Dyeing yarn
- Entrelac
- Fair Isle knitting (got me some purdy mittens in the works! My Fair Isle skills suck!)
- Freeform knitting (I have no idea what this means. I don't like the sound of it, though.)
- Fulling/felting (Hi! This reminds me, I have also not posted pictures of my Yorick I knit for like 4 Halloweens ago! I need Ravelry.)
- Garter Stitch
- Gloves (they sucked, but I knit them.)
- Graffiti Knitting (knitting items on, or to be left on the street)
- Hair accessories
- Hat
- Holiday-related knitting
- Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cozies)
- I-cord
- Intarsia
- Jewelry
- Kitchener BO (I love this! Yay for sock toes!)
- Knitting a gift (seems this is all I do lately....)
- Knitting a pattern from an online knitting magazine (hello Knitty! I love you!)
- Knitting and purling backwards (um...what? What does this mean? Am I knitting-retarded because I don't know how to do this?)
- Knitting art
- Knitting for a living
- Knitting for pets
- Knitting for preemies
- Knitting in public
- Knitting items for a wedding
- Knitting on a loom (no desire. Not a stitch. HA! I am funny today!)
- Knitting smocking (again, WTF? Smocking?)
- Knitting socks (or other small tubular items) on two circular needles (and I still like it! Woot!)
- Knitting to make money
- Knitting with alpaca (hello alpacas! I love you!)
- Knitting with bamboo
- Knitting with banana fiber yarn
- Knitting with beads
- Knitting with camel yarn
- Knitting with cashmere (I did both on this because I've knit with cashmere BLENDS but never straight cashmere.)
- Knitting with circular needles
- Knitting with cotton
- Knitting with cat/dog hair (doesn't this actually come with knitting NEAR cats and dogs? :)
- Knitting with DPNs
- Knitting with linen
- Knitting with metal wire
- Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
- Knitting with self-patterning/-striping/variegated yarn
- Knitting with silk (I got some GORGEOUS Fleece Artist rovings a few weeks ago that are merino/silk blends. Hopefully I can get those spun up as soon as I slay the green dragon, which I need to post about. Damn! Y'all are missing out on a lot!)
- Knitting with someone else's handspun (I can't even bring myself to knit with my OWN handspun. I just like to pet it and show everyone that comes in my house.)
- Knitting with soy yarn
- Knitting with synthetic yarn (I was not such the fiber snob I am now when I was a wee knitter, 4 years ago. Now I can't bring my very first project out of its shroud for the sheer embarassment of it all.)
- Knitting with wool
- Knitting with your own handspun yarn (One of these days, Alice....)
- Lace patterns
- Long Tail CO
- Machine knitting (I saw Christina's knitting machine. I have enough trouble with 4/5 DPNs. Can't imagine what damage I could do with that thing. :)
- Mittens Cuff-Up (right now, I've got some killer Fair Isle's on the needles. They're in Time Out though. I should make an actual Time Out box for my knitting.)
- Mittens Tip-Down (not sure if I ever want to try these, but I'm not shutting the door on them. I'll probably do it sooner or later.)
- Moebius band knitting (remember the long-strapped purse a couple of months ago? No? That's probably because I neglected to post pictures. Woot! But I've done it. I'll see if I can wrestle the purse away from my mom.)
- Norwegian Knitting (what is this exactly? Vegas Shannon is bringing me some yarn from Norway, does that count?)
- Olympic Knitting (I've done it, but haven't finished it. Which reminds me, I haven't touched it since the Olympics ended. Is that bad?)
- Participating in a KAL (again, done it, haven't finished. I'm bad at this.)
- Pillows (no desire. which means next week, I will have knit 3 or 4.)
- Publishing a knitting book (a desire, at best. It would be cool, though.)
- Purses/bags (see #70)
- Rug
- Scarf
- Shawl
- Short Rows
- Shrug/bolero/poncho (does anyone else want to sing "Volare" when they hear the word bolero? Just me?)
- Slip-stitch patterns
- Slippers (Still trying to figure out my gramma's pattern from the slippers I've had since I was 12. No dice.)
- Socks toe-up
- Socks top-down
- Steeks (incidentally, the mere WORD "steeks" makes me want to throw up for some reason.)
- Stockinette stitch
- Stuffed toys (The kids all want stuffed penguins after finding this pattern in a stack, and watching Happy Feet for the 45th time.)
- Swatching (and no, I'm not happy about it. For some reason, I'm very anti-swatch.)
- Sweater (It's half and half because I still have half of a Rogue sitting in a bag in the closet. The sleeves are where I've come to a standstill.)
- Teaching a child to knit (I tried to teach Tater. She got the basics, and then ran away to play with the boys. *sigh*)
- Teaching a woman to knit (I will teach my mother to knit if I have to move her hands for her. She is being stubbourn.)
- Teaching a male how to knit (I've pretty much given up all hope of Mr. Man, Gav or MHP ever having any interest in knitting, other than wearing what I knit. It's okay though, someone has to catch the frogs in this house.)
- Textured knitting
- Thrummed knitting (another haflway FO that I have not shown you...I have a thrummed mitten that's all done and GORGEOUS for Vegas Shannon....)
- Toy/Doll clothing (the Barbies in our house only do couture. There is no need for sweaters or anything of the sort, apparently. I've asked.)
- Tubular CO (like totally to the max! Surf's Up! I have no idea, again, what this is. But it sounds like fun.)
- Twisted stitch patterns
- Two end knitting, Tvåändsstickning. (Um....what? Doesn't all knitting have 2 ends? And WTF is that word??)
- Writing a pattern (I've sort of got one in the works. Don't hold your breath, though....it's a crazy idea.)
C'est tout fini. Maybe tomorrow I'll do "7 random things you didn't know about me" while I stall and photograph all the FOs in my house I've never shown you. And there's a lot.
wet undies = oh noes!
Posted by: miss kendra | June 25, 2007 at 11:21 AM
Also, BM=Burning Man which is REAL camping!!! And you are an absolute, fucking saint to put up with an MIL like that. Egads...
Hopefully you were able to knock about many of your opponents to vent much needed anger. :D
Posted by: Sparkles | June 25, 2007 at 06:54 PM
You do crack me up. Your scenario is pretty much exactly what our camping trip is like except we do have the camper (no TV in it; we like to rough it). But the family gathering, the amenities, and the campground loaded with activities and absolutely crawling with people. I think I'm getting hives.
We used to camp in an L.L. Bean tent that we've had for 15 years. It's fabulous, and they make the rain fly come all the way to the ground on the sides and back so it actually does shed water. What is it with the cheap tents that have a "rain fly" the size of a handkerchief on top? Where do people think the water is going to go when it drips off? Nowadays, our kids sleep in the tent. I can't do the air mattress or a pad anymore. I'm a delicately aging flower.
As for your M3, either you are much more obnoxious than you let on or she is a head case. I imagine it will be hard for her to explain to the ladies at bingo how her daughter-in-law is in the roller-derby but I bet they will all think you are cool.
Posted by: jessie | June 26, 2007 at 02:58 AM
I'm a hotel camper. Burning Man almost did me in, for a number of reasons.
There's NO WAY I could keep my mouth shut like that, marshmallow or not. I'm glad Mr.Man doesn't seem to listen to her. Hopefully at some point he'll intervene?
Posted by: Patti | June 26, 2007 at 09:16 AM